Why are we angry?



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Anger unleashed (picture credit twasa@www.sxc.hu )

Curled lips with a frown on face,
A vivid jerk of neck in impatience,
While pulling an imprudent gaze.
Slams the door behind in insolence.

Never to look into the eyes,
But, with a heavy breadth,
As one of their own before sigh,
Turns total stranger of late.

With a bond that has turned cold,
Perhaps the hopes seemed never fulfilled,
Once a rapport so tough that could endure till old
Now, a link so frail that couldn’t be sealed.

In the world where expectations rule,
While faking many things is a norm,
Anger on you till you loose your cool,
If you happen to dig out the truth worm.

Now, arguments and debates of who is right,
Replacing words of affection and care,
Proving the point until logic leaves sight,
Leaving relations hanging totally bare.

                    – Uruj Kohari

Why do we feel angry? What brings about anger in us? Towards whom is our anger really targeted? But, the biggest question is: What is anger?

Definitions vary. It’s different for different people. Very subjective at it’s very best.

However, as with everything, people are prone to offering generalisations of the theories close to their heart. Like, “I feel angry when I don’t get what I want!” is one such suggestion. “I feel angry when I ‘am let down by others.” “I get angry sometimes and I am not sure of its cause. I just feel angry on myself and others. Maybe it’s just my mood.”

Contributors to Wikipedia puts it like, “Anger is an emotion related to one’s psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied and a tendency to undo that by retaliation.” Others define it as, “…a normal emotion that involves a strong, uncomfortable and emotional response to a perceived provocation.”

However, the most interesting of all the definitions observed so far: “Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviourally, cognitively, and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behaviour of another outside force.”

The most important observations noticed so far makes me believe that the trigger to anger, in most of the cases, happens to be based on ‘perception’, which may or may not be real. Another observation points to the fact that an angry person, in most cases, resorts to justification of even the most erroneous acts performed by self by modifying the most logical arguments and pushing it towards fallacy. Fallacies make connections between facts and present an idea, which seemingly looks factual. For e.g. A book is on the table. The table is on the floor. Hence, the book is on the floor.

Anger, certainly is about feelings and emotions. It is an emotion present in every individual living and breathing on this planet. However, the intensity of the same varies. We inherit this emotion as an infant. Some cry and vent out their anger while others pent it up and blow it over on a person or a thing which can absorb it. If anger is pent up, then it may turn dangerous inhibiting our capacity to think objectively. A person with anger may even seem to think logically and present logical arguments but the ability to make wise decisions gets impaired drastically.

Medical science informs us that there is an increased activity in the lateral orbitofrontal cortex of the brain experiencing anger. This area is a part of prefrontal cortex in the frontal lobes of the brain, which is involved in the cognitive processing of decision-making, generation of logical arguments, planning, strategy and the most important part; lying and alteration of facts.

As we can observe, anger could be viewed as impulsive; acting on a sudden stimuli, deliberate; targeted towards a person or a thing (with or without the presence of a sudden stimuli), or based on one’s character trait; a person can have an angry persona characterised by the way they behave in public or private but may not be targeted specifically on what we can call as a ‘stimuli’.

For many, anger is destructive in nature while for others it is a mature emotion: meaningful and perhaps, even creative. It can provide an individual the much needed power to do big things and to shed inhibitions. With the correct venting of anger nations and businesses were and are being conquered.

Anger can be found to be selectively targeted at a person or it can take up the form of one’s mood and feelings while being blown over at people or things around that person. People feel angry when they think they are not understood, appreciated by the person who they believe must understand them. There is a strong expectation of being understood and if that is not met then that could start an instance of anger.

Anger is an emotion which springs up memories of infanthood when an infant has just seen the world and slowly starts separating itself from its carers and then begins life on its own. It is still unable to communicate its needs and feelings and expects the mother to continue taking care of it. It feels hungry. It needs to sleep. It is scared of disturbances and events happening around.

But, the status quo of being in the womb shatters after labour, which brings about overwhelming trauma on the little one and the infant is unable to cope up with it. The world outside dawns over like a black scary shadow as it leaves the safe, cosy confines of the mother’s womb. This trauma is excruciatingly painful. But, this jolt of an incident is the nature’s way of forcing the infant to the next level where it will start accessing its cognitive abilities. This slowly pushes the little one towards processing the meaning of events happening outside its neurological domain.

Meanwhile, since not all of the needs and wants of the infants are addressed, it starts to slowly pent up the anger within, while occasionally, venting it out in the form of a cry or moving of the arms and legs in frustration while the adults think it is normal for an infant to do so.

We sometimes have a general feeling of anger and attribute it to our moods. While at other times, just the sight of a person on whom we are angry brings about feeling of rage within us.

While anger is a general feeling of emotion, rage takes over as the most active part of it. Broken plates and broken hearts could well be attributed to the unleashing of rage from a person. It is usually directed at objects, which are delicate while also being vented out through rough words and actions at people who will absorb them. People who are close or those who are subordinates usually bear the brunt of the fury, not withstanding whether the action is justifiable or not.

If anger is held for a long time, the pent up emotion may push the person towards aggression or stonewalling depending upon the intrinsic character and temperament of the one experiencing it. Anger must be released; it must be vented out or better still; channelised to obtain creative results.

The actions from rage usually bring about remorse when the emotional fury subsides. The intellectual capability of our neural system processes this complex scenario later and then offer suggestions for corrective action such as offering apologies. At times the fallout is so intense that the corrective action and the feeling of the same arrive very late while the damage is already done.

Though there is no way to curb the anger, there surely is a way to control it and direct it to obtain creative results. It is different for different people as we can see it and hence every individual must learn to identify the use of this great potential within them and use it to further their goals. It will surely give the much needed boost to their self esteem and propel them higher on their way to success.


Owning it up


I did a blunder but stepped aside,
For fear of being branded a slipshod;
I was happy, as I would hide,
But, with a sense of guilt I would nod.

I sensed the world does the same,
What I did was not insane;
While on stake was my name,
With people I tried to play a game.

Then, I gathered the courage to clear my guilt,
Say sorry and own up the wrongs from my side,
To show that I care and be who I am,
And, raise my head in just pride.

Not a stale apology uncaring ones say,
But a sorry from the depth of the heart,
A promise to self of not doing it ever again,
And, a genuine vow of a good start!

–    Uruj Kohari

“We apologise for the inconvenience we may have caused you”. It is this pre-fabricated mantra given out by most of the agencies in the business of providing services to its customers. Interestingly, and quite predictably, this ubiquitous mantra could be found in use across the globe: A formal ‘device’ through which the agencies can get away guilt-free after a shoddy service, yet attempt to make a point. Through this they come across to us as caring and respecting agencies who take pride in attending to the concerns of their customers.

This mantra is usually delivered from a one-way system to the customer who is in pain and need immediate relief from his persisting condition. No interaction with the customer; no feedback accepted whatsoever! It is akin to a board put up on a road which reads, ‘Road closed ahead please take a ‘U’ turn’. Take it or leave it. Our apologies, of course!

This could well be the case of an individual who renders a ‘hearty’ apology to you if he/she hurts you in any way. A formal apology is like a valid visa to do it once again. It often is not an absolute reminder of what one has done to you. The length of the word could be longer and more formal than the humble ‘sorry’ we say all the time.

Yet, “I am very sorry!” sounds so personal, so touching. It sounds like they really mean it. Contrast that with the plastic, unapologetic apology tendered by them. Sounds so superficial; devoid of all emotions and depth!

Whenever the guilt sets in, and it will, if you are a person with character, it is better to go ahead and admit it all. Take the blame if you were the problem maker. It will make you feel lighter instantaneously. It will mean that you are indeed sorry for what you have done without any intentions of repeating the mistake ever again. It will mean that you truly mean it. It will mean that you respect and care. It will invariably make you look honest and respectful.

Being practical


 Being practical

Brought about only by our senses,
A feeling of reality,
Of what we feel real, is indeed, unreal,
Made manifest by our very own illusions.

Of how could you pick a dream from the reality,
The duo feels just the same,
One brings about pain and joy,
The other one does the same.

Harder than the thought,
Harder than the action,
Harder than what we know of,
But, indeed a lot sublime.

Of what we feel unreal is perhaps real,
Brought about by our internal visions,
A product of our gut and feelings,
In the end, that must always be real.

What is external to us we cannot control,
But, what is in our hearts, we can.
What is unreal is destined to go,
What is real will endure.

                                        – Uruj Kohari

It shouldn’t matter to anyone in this world whether I am angry or not. Especially, when I were to think from a ‘practical’ perspective. Also, in the same breath, I should not worry about others and their anger on me, if seen from the same perspective. Perhaps, I must only stick to being practical. Perhaps, that’s what the life wants from me. Perhaps, the circumstances push me to believe that. But, the question is: What is being “practical”, or the extent of being practical.

Maybe, my thoughts are becoming practical now. Maybe I am becoming practical. I wish I was practical all my life. But, as they say, ‘it’s never too late’.

A lot has happened and a lot has changed over the time. I am not sure if the change have been for good or they have been for bad. But, things have indeed changed and I only hope it has changed for the better. Revelations after revelations of who others are or who I am and the context of our relations with all around us have casted my thoughts into a rather solid frame.

Maybe one of the reasons for an immediate illusion of change in me is the fact that I have lost a wonderful soul in the form of a 9 year old littile girl, a cousin of mine and her mother in a motor accident few days back leaving her dad crippled physically and emotionally. He has his house but not the home he would like to return to after his major operation. He will search for his wife and his daughter after he wakes up. And, worse, he may not like to see that house let alone step in it. For now, doctors are having hard time collecting his bone splinters and fitting them like a jig-saw puzzle. Medical science will bring about healing to his body but what will happen to his soul? Who will join his shattered dreams? There is no science or methods ever invented that will rescue him now.

This is indeed life without any warnings. We are here and we will go. We just don’t know when or how. So, it makes sense to live a practical life. At least that will help when people go away from you. At least we are not stranded. At least we do not have to worry about our emotional walking stick.

On the flip side, we are social animals and we have our emotions; all of us. Indeed, we get angry and also we share our joys and sorrows with those souls whom we call ‘ours’, those that are closest to our hearts, those for whom we die and those for whom we live. Here, being practical is bit confusing: we are social with others or we are just like stones and yet we claim to be practical. Stones are devoid of emotions and they don’t care. Being social is about caring and being cared.

Sometimes, I feel like doing role-plays; of a social animal or at times of that of a stone. Both of them extreme and that’s bad. Nevertheless, I must stick to being practical – yet not knowing what practical really means in my context – while eventually starting to ignore what is not mine or what never was mine!

Indeed, I want peace for everyone and myself. However, what has not changed is my practicality. Somehow, I still ensure that I keep my ego behind and put others before me as much as I can. Simply because ‘being human’ side of practicality is considerably more beautiful and elegant than the stone side of being practical.

An article of faith



If you think you are beaten, you are,
If you think you dare not, you don’t,
If you like to win, but you think you can’t,
It is almost certain, you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost,
For out of the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow’s will –
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can!

                                    – Annonymous

Faith rules, us, that is!

It is opposite of knowledge. It is not about knowing. It is about believing. Believing what is hidden and unknown. It is about trusting your guts. It is about staking your life on it!

Without faith, there is no science; no starting point. There is no premise. It all starts with faith. Scientists believe that certain things happen in a certain way. They believed that if a metal tube filled with gas is to be shot up into the heaven under certain circumstances, then it has the power to land human on moon. It all starts with belief; with hypothesis.

Faith causes ‘miracles’ as we know it. Faith is powerful. It has the capability and potential to deliver you out of failure. It raises the effect of ordinary to that of extraordinary and has the power to rescue the unknown to the known.

Faith is easy. It doesn’t need proof. It originates ideas and concepts. It gives power to think big. It gives power to do big.

Man is now able to fly in air and travel through space surpassing the speed of sound. Man can now stay underwater and control huge vessels at sea. It is the power of faith that has propelled man to launch such mega ambitions confidently. It is this power of mind that can propel you towards success; towards riches or towards fulfillment of life’s ambitions.

So, go ahead and exploit this power and you will be amazed at what you can achieve just by having faith in yourself and the belief that you can do it whether the world is with you or against! This power has the potential to change self or move masses of a billion people holding on to a single concept running across all the souls.

The only unique thread that runs across all the leaders of the past and the present is ‘faith’, by which they were able to bring about certain change in the way we think, the way we transact or the way we carry out our social intercourse.

Life as an employer


“I bargained with life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However, I begged at evening,
When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid”
                       – Anonymous

A great poet crystallized the essence of success in this world in the above lines. ‘..any wage I had asked of Life, Life would have willingly paid’. It is essentially on us and our readiness to accept the challenges and risks in life. The greater the risk, the higher you stick out and the easier it is to be spotted by opportunity.

It is also about desire. Desire to get things that we love. Desire to do things that we love. And, desire to be free.

Dream and desire are twin brothers. They are with each other all the time. Bigger the dream, bigger the desire to achieve that. Bigger the desire, bigger the challenges. Bigger the challenges, bigger the risks. Bigger the risks, bigger the opportunities. More opportunities potentially bring in more wealth.

But to dream big and have burning desire to fulfill those dreams also calls in for personal readiness. By dreaming big, we put demands on ourselves. But, the question is: Are we ready to accept failures and defeat? Are we ready to accept wealth and riches? In short: Are we ready to accept the fallout of such dreams and desires? If the answer is a resounding ‘yes’, then it’s the way to go.

There are people in this world who accept what comes their way by way of compromises. They are like beggars who come out in the evening. Not a substance of their own. They are like detached feathers that come off a bird as it takes flight. These feathers move in the direction of the wind without any purpose in life. They come in this world crying. They continue what they did during their birth and finally accept silence when they depart from this life. Without a purpose in life, they are simply fillers and perhaps a burden on the planet.

There are people in the world who accept challenges and chart out their ways with definiteness of purpose. They do not accept deviations. They are like the arrow which has just left the bow. With a purpose. To hit the target. A definite purpose. They are the pioneers. Pathfinders. They do not sway. Winds of change do not affect them. They know who they are. They know what they can do. They carry the air of confidence. When they leave the world, they leave a vacuum. Which is filled by someone of the same caliber. They are also knowledge creators. They have heavy demands from others, as they have on self. Disciplined and uncompromising.

The latter demands huge wages from Life and Life, looking at the confidence provides that is being asked. While the former begs for a paltry sum but sadly, Life doesn’t entertain beggars.

So, go out in the world and demand what you have in your dreams and be ready to catch the Golden Apple that Life will then throw at you.